I don't want to know what happens by the river after dark

This past Saturday we decided to take advantage of what was probably going to be one of the last warm days of the year and take a little walk around St. Anthony Falls. For those of you who haven't been there lately, you should go. You can see a lot of the ruined flour mills, which are pretty cool, walk across the stone arch bridge, and take some rather steep stairs down to the river. This is where the most adventerous part of our day took place.

Driver was carrying Back Seat Girl in the "baby backpack". When we got to the river, we let her out to throw stones into the water and just generally check things out. Driver went to explore a trail he found so I watched Back Seat Girl, who decided to walk into the river just far enough to get the bottom of her sandals wet. Never-the-less, she announced she was "swimming". And before anyone freaks out (mam and grama), you should know this is in a bend in the river where there is very minimal current, it's very shallow, and there's a rocky bottom. When Driver got back he told me about some interesting graffiti I must see, so I went to look and he stayed to watch Back Seat Girl. I couldn't have been gone longer than a couple of minutes, but when I got back to my family, this is what I saw:

Back Seat Girl was standing on the bank with just her T-shirt, sandals, and diaper on, her soaking wet shorts were on the rocks nearby, and Driver was leaning as far as he could off a cement wall into the river to retrieve Puppy, who had fallen in and was headed out to the middle.

This is what happened according to Driver: Puppy was put on the cement wall by Back Seat Girl, who wanted to have her hands free. She walked into the river a little farther and decided to sit down. While Driver went to pick her up and take her wet shorts off, the wind kicked up and Puppy flew off the wall into the river and wasn't noticed until he was starting to drift off rather quickly.

Back Seat Girl didn't care one bit about not wearing any shorts, so we stayed a while longer since she was having so much fun throwing stones into the water. Then something caught Driver's eye. There, in the rocks, was a rhinestone G-string. He went over to it to point it out to me, and then, because it wasn't enough to just point to it and say 'hey look', he PICKED IT UP!! I immediately started shouting to put it down, because god knows where, or rather whom, it had been on. He defended himself by saying that he only picked it up by the side. This from a man who can barely visit me at work because he's afraid hepatitis may jump out and suddenly infect him.

I'm happy to report that we didn't find any other undergarments and no one else decided to go swimming for the rest of the afternoon. Also--Driver's hand hasn't turned black and fallen off...yet.