Thursday, May 25, 2006

How do they know?

Driver is on a business trip for a couple of days. No big deal...except that the creepy crawlies seem to know he's gone. I don't know if they can sense the level of testosterone has suddenly dropped off or what.

Last night I had an end of the year choir party to go to, so I dropped Back Seat Baby off at our good friend's house so she could get some shut eye while I was gone. We didn't get back home until a little after ten. I got Back Seat Baby down and tucked in and went around doing my nightly 'house check'. I went downstairs to make sure the basement door was locked, and when I got to the bottom of the steps I stopped dead in my tracks. The first thing my eyes settled on upon scanning the room was a frickin' tarantula. Seriously, this thing was huge. I had a hard time remembering if I was still in the midwest or if I had taken a wrong turn and ended up in the Amazon somehow. It was black, and it was disgusting. I usually don't have a problem killing spiders, but this creature was beyond squishing with a kleenex, beyond squishing with a shoe, even. He was on the wall, above the futon, very near some shelving. Of course not an easy place to get to him to kill him. I looked around for weapons and saw a pair of running tights Driver's brother left behind after doing laundry at our house before he left for greener pastures. I figured I could try to smack him with it. The problem was that I couldn't get very close to the wall with the futon and shelves in the way. So, after several deep breaths and silent pep talks to myself, I took a swing......and missed. He slunk away behind some pictures that were leaning up against the wall. I went around to look down the wall to see if I could see him, but he had disappeared. How something of that size could vanish, I have no idea, but he did.

My next move was to call Driver to make him feel guilty for leaving. I told him about the tarantula and how I can go months without seeing a spider but the second he leaves, our basement has a hairy man-eating spider in it. As we were talking I went back downstairs (very cautiously) to take out the garbage. I turned the corner, and there above the cat box next to a window was my all-time least favorite thing in the whole world---a centipede. Not just any centipede, a champion, a papa, the grandfather of all centipedes. There, in our basement. No way could I kill it. Those suckers are fast, and he was up on the wall over my head. I had to force myelf to go to the door...I really, REALLY hate those things. And can I just say that we've lived in this house for over 3 and a half years, and I've seen one other centipede in all of that time. Guess what--Driver was gone then, too.

So, here I am today...Back Seat Baby has a huge playroom down there, and it's going to rain any minute. I really don't want to go play down there. I will be looking over my shoulders the whole time. Of course, if Back Seat Baby finds either one of them first she'll probably just try to pull the legs off of them or something. Maybe I should just let her loose down there.

The worst part? The second Driver gets home, they will have disappeared. We'll never see them again.


Dama said...

The same thing happened to me yesterday. This tarantula was on the living room ceiling. I called Dampa to see if he was going to be home anytime soon. Of course not. He says get it down with a broom and step on it. Yea, its not going to land on me when it falls. Not a risk I'm willing to take. I lose it in the light fixture after tracking it for about half an hour. I'll never see it again (unless Dampa is gone). Now I'll just have to know the darn thing is there, watching me. YUK!

Shotgun said...

I feel your pain, mom. I have managed to pretty much avoid the basement except to walk through to get to the door. Good thing it's been nice out so Back Seat Baby can play outside. She fell for my ploy of "helping me clean" yesterday, so we managed to stay upstairs. Driver is coming home tonight, and I'm sure he'll go down there hunting for them and not even see an ant!

Mam said...

I think Pap needs to mix up a potion and rid your basement of creepy crawly things. Lets talk and set the date!