Friday, January 04, 2008

I feel so dirty.

Dear Cub Foods,
I know, I know. You haven't seen me in a while. I will admit that I was lured away for a time by the sleek new SuperTarget. It takes two to tango, though. I am not the only one at fault here.

Listen, we both know our relationship hasn't been the smoothest. I do love a lot of things about you, and I guess Dr. Phil would tell me to talk about those first. I love you for your comfort, for the fact that I know where everything is and could make my grocery list in order of where I will find it in the store. I loved your size--big, but not too huge, with plenty of selection. I loved that I almost always found what I was looking for, except for a few rare ingredients that I would have to go to Lund's for. Let's face it, you and Lund's--two different stores. I like that you don't pretend to be something you're not. You're a grocery store, plain and simple. I appreciate the fact that your checkers know what ginger is without looking it up on that plastic list of barcodes and then having to call over the manager. I like the old ladies who fawn over my children and the old men who hang out and drink coffee. I even like the crazy old lady who pushes a cart full of miscellaneous cleaning supplies, including a large broom which is obviously very old, wearing latex gloves (she adds charm).

All of these things are great, yes, but there are some things about you that I do not love. First of all, Cub, what is the deal with the big carts? I'm talking about the ones made for those of us with more than one child, the ones with the plastic cars on the front. Those things suck!! They are all old, don't push right, and never, ever sit on all the wheels at the same time. If the front ones are on the ground the back wheels are about an inch above it and visa versa. I am, however, actually happy when I find one because they are never all nice in a cart corrall somewhere. No, they are scattered around outside. Sometimes they are just next to the building but nowhere near any door. Many times they are out where the red-headed step child carts are, stuck in a puddle or the snow. This is really great when you have a small child who's walking and another you are carrying. Yes, honey, just scale the snow mountain and step right inside, I'm sure it will be fine. It's also great when it's snowing or raining. I love nothing more than setting my baby down in a wet, cold cart while my 3 year old looks at me like I'm crazy after suggesting she get in. Even she knows it's ridiculous.

Then there is the matter of that one checker. The young man with the beard who very well may be the slowest checker. in. the. whole. world. That guy has got to be trying to go that slow. It's not like he's new. I've lived here for over 5 years and he's been at that store the whole time. You must do something about it. At least now I know to avoid his line.

I also really don't like it when you leave random boxes in the aisles. This happens a lot in the produce section, but it can be anywhere in the store. I'm already having trouble navigating with the piece of crap cart I've dug out of a snow bank and dried off with a towel I'm now smart enough to bring along, now I've got to shimmy past a few boxes and the shelves of cereal? You've created a road block. All traffic must come to a halt while we take turns squeezing by the apparently useless boxes. And what if I need something behind those boxes?

OK, OK, I didn't mean to upset you. Nobody is perfect, but you understand why I had to wander off the reservation, don't you? I mean, SuperTarget's allure is pretty easy to understand. I can get all of my errands done in one stop, which is important now that I have a baby boy who does not take as well to errands as his sister did. Plus, it's new. It's all shiny and new and clean. Also--they have a Starbucks in there. AND a D'amico and Son's deli food, AND those Bruce's sweet potato pancakes we all love. COME ON! It practically sat on the corner in a short skirt and begged me to come in. (Not that I'm attracted to people in short skirts...)

After a couple of big grocery shopping excursions, though, I must say, I missed you. First of all, where is the cheese? The front of the store? Yep--some of it is, but lots of it is also in the back with the rest of the dairy. The aisles in the produce section run diagonally, which I CAN NOT STAND. Since it's new I don't know where everything is and when I miss something and need to go back it feels like a maze. Speaking of not knowing where everything is, I hate that I don't know where everything is. It really bugs me that I can't just make my list, whip in and out of there, and be done with it. I know that is maybe more about me then about Target, but either way, I don't like it. The checkers? I know you're all new to this, but hello? It's ginger. It's not that exotic. Then there is the matter of selection. While it's not horrible, it's not that great, either. Basically, it'll do for when I need to pick up a few food items along with more toothpaste and deodorant, it won't do for my big grocery shopping trips.

That is why you saw me there yesterday, with my daughter up front in the plastic car talking and asking me questions even though I can't hear her that well when she's all the way up there, and my son sitting near the handle bar reaching for everthing he may be able to grab and making his 'I want that' noise. Nevermind that he doesn't know what 'that' is, he'll decide later whether it's worthwhile or not. I was back, pushing the cart I had to walk halfway across the parking lot for, but my list was all in order and we were in and out of there in half an hour and I got everything on my list.

So, Cub, thanks for taking me back. I guess I needed to see what else is out there to realize how good I had it right here with you. I was wondering though, about those carts, maybe there is something you could do?


Mama Wonder said...

You are dirty...

Mam said...

Just shrugg it off and keep shopping. I can certainly relate. Like I've mentioned several times since moving "south of the border"..."I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Cub".