Thursday, May 05, 2011

Humans have logic bones, right?

Getting gas. Not a complicated thing, right? You pull up to the pump, gawk at the price, mutter under your breath about how ridiculous it is, and then fill up anyway, because your other option is just leaving your car there. Although with Ringo it may be a viable alternative.

Tuesday on my way home I noticed the car needed gas. I figured I'd get it after I finished picking up the kids, but my feeble brain couldn't hold a thought that long and I ended up pulling into the garage, looking down at the orange light, and cursing under my breath. I told myself over and over that I would need to remember to try to leave early the next morning so we could get gas on the way to taking Alison to school. I know a huge part of my brain was all "Yea, right, because you are so successful getting her out of the door on time without an added stop", but a small part thought I could do it.

Fast forward to the middle of that night. I woke up with a horrible sore throat, took some ibuprofen, and went back to bed. I was up off and on until I finally waved the white flag, rolled over to turn off my alarm, and told Si I wasn't getting up to run because I didn't feel good. Si was nice enough to take Ali to school for me, and the thought of getting gas in the car left with him.

Later that afternoon I'm in the garage with Oliver getting out various toys. I glanced at the car and all of a sudden it came to me. Hey, I have to get gas! We'll leave a bit early to pick up Ali. I KNEW I could do that! Yay for me!

The time comes and I realize that Si was the last person to drive the car, because the seat is all jacked up. My tiny brain remembers he ran some errands last night. The thought ends there. I get to the gas station, gawk at the price, mutter under my breath, swipe my card and start pumping. The pump immediately turns off. I try again. It turns off. I look around, flabbergasted. I try again. It turns off. I pull the nozzle out just a bit and try again. It turns off. I seriously consider kicking the pump. I try again. It turns off. I pull the nozzle all of the way out, notice there is some gas dribbling out, swear, and try again. It turns off. I walk away before my temper gets the better of me, consider going in to tell the attendant this gas station SUCKS, look around and notice no one else is having problems, and try again. It turns off. I've managed to put half a gallon of gas into the car. I realize the guy next to me is leaving. "I'll try that pump", I tell myself. I get into the car, realize it's time to leave to get Ali, and also the guy next to me is re-organizing his wallet and may never leave. The thought of having to stop for gas AGAIN is making me want to punch someone, but I need to get Ali, and this gas station is obviously stupid. I turn on the car and look at the gas gauge. "I wonder if half a gallon will make he needle move at all?" I wonder. The needle indeed moves. It indicates the gas tank is absolutely, positively full. "Holy crap! I wonder if there is something wrong with the tank?! Or the gas line?! Or the car in general?!" I think, because obviously that's the most logical explanation to this whole thing. I put the car in gear and think that maybe, once I hit the gas, the gauge will go back to almost completely empty. It doesn't. I pull out onto the street, at a loss as to how this situation is occurring. Then, slowly, it dawns on me. Silas filled the car up with gas last night. I think back to getting into the car. Was there a light? I don't think so... Did it beep at me? Not that I remember...

I call Silas. "Did you get gas last night?" "Yep. Why?" "Because I thought the car was broken." Sadly, the man I've been married to for over ten years, who has known me since I was a sophomore in college, did not have a hard time believing that I ignored the fact that the gas gauge said "full, dumbass!", that the orange light was not on, that the car did not beep at me and display the stern message (in a German accent, in our minds at last) "PLEASE REFUEL".

I am so happy I didn't go in to tell the attendant "Pump number 3 is broken.", because that would've been really embarrassing. "No, ma'am, I think your logic bone is broken."


msmariah said...

This reminds me that I need to get gas. Very funny.

Jake said...

Many moons ago when I had my first truck (high school days) it had a bad gasket and as such I changed the oil in it frequently. To the point it turned into mindless work. Yet one day, I couldn't for the life of me get the oil cap off to put more oil in. Only after I got my large adjustable wrench and broke the cap off from wrenching too forceably did I realize I was turning it in the wrong direction the whole time.