Sunday, October 24, 2010

You can't make this stuff up

So, today. Today has been, well, much like living inside a sitcom. I keep waiting for the canned laughter, but so far it's just me laughing. And sometimes Silas, though usually at his own expense. Let me start at the beginning...

A couple of weeks ago I had a horrible toothache, and long story short was on Clindamycin for 10 days for an abscessed tooth. I took my last dose Friday. This morning I woke up, stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the light, and realized I was covered head to toe in a rash. Guess I'm allergic to Clindamycin, then. I was going to wear a skirt to church but decided instead on pants and a long sleeved shirt to cover as much as I could.

Our plan was to get to church a bit early, Si and I were supposed to teach Sunday School and we needed to make copies of some coloring sheets. Of course we didn't leave in time to be a 'bit early', we have problems making it to church on time so I don't know why we thought we could get there early. We get out to the garage, strap the kids in the car, and then Si looks at me expectantly. "Do you have the keys?" "No, you said you had them." Does anything good ever follow a conversation like this? I mean, unless someone looks down and realizes they've had them the whole time, but how often does that happen?

Silas swears he had them in his hand, but figures he set them down inside, so he goes back to the basement door to look. We have an electric keyless entry lock on the door down there because we've locked ourselves out of the house...a lot. The problem with this lock is that the door down there is old, and it has to match up perfectly with the hole for the lock or it decides it doesn't want to work. Add to that the fact that it rained last night and the door is swollen. Guess what? It didn't work. It. did. not. work. Si tried. I tried. Several times. Nothing. So, Silas says, "stand back", grabs a brick from the flower garden, and breaks the window. The keys were on the stairs. Finally we're off to church.

When we got to church we told the kids we had to make some copies before we could go and sit down. This is where Alison gives us a speech telling us that hearing the word of God is more important than making copies. Who is this kid? Where did she come from? Because Alison is such a devout Lutheran we let her go into the sanctuary by herself and sit in a pew to listen while the rest of us heathens made copies in the office.

When we were done with the copies we joined Ali in church. Just as I was sitting down the choir started to sing. I'm in choir. I was not singing. I totally forgot. The chances that no one in choir saw me were pretty much nil since I had just walked into church from the front and then walked across the aisle in front of everyone to sit with Alison. Then there is the fact that when they called for the children's sermon Si and I sent the kids up and then got up ourselves to once again walk across church to wait for the Sunday school kids off to the side.

Did I mention before that we weren't completely sure which lesson we were supposed to be teaching? Because we weren't. There was no teaching schedule with our materials and being the procrastinator that I am I didn't even open up the books and look until last night. We made our best guess and felt pretty confident about it, but just in case asked another teacher which lesson she was teaching. Guess what? Not the lesson we had prepared for or made copies for. Why would it be? That would not be in keeping with our morning.

I told Si I would take the kids over to the classroom and he should make new copies and bring them over. Sunday School actually went all right. No kids cried, although no one really talked either. I read them the story, had them color the pictures, but when I asked questions all I got was a bunch of stares back at me or at the table. Except for Oliver...he was the most talkative one. I'm sure it helped that his mom as the teacher. All I kept thinking was "how does anyone teach preschool?" I missed Alison and the first and second graders. I rue the day I volunteered to teach the pre-K and Kindergartners.

After church we had just enough time to make Alison a snack before she had to leave for hockey practice. Silas and Alison were going to leave early so Ali could get all of her gear on, then Oliver and I were going to meet them there once practice actually started. This is only her second practice and so far it's been pretty entertaining to watch. Picture a bunch of little kids all dressed up in hockey pads and helmets. Then put them on skates, on ice, holding hockey sticks. It's awesome.

A couple of minutes after Si and Ali walked out the door I walked out onto the deck to catch them before they left to ask which rink practice was on. I noticed the garage door was only half up. "Could you come out here and help me for a second?" Silas asked. Turns out he had left the hatch of the wagon open when he was transferring her stick from the wagon to the beetle, and on the way up the garage door had caught it and stopped. We began a delicate operation of pushing the button hoping the door would go down so it would unstick the hatch from the door. The problem was, since it sensed an object was in its path it would go up a bit and then stop. Finally it went up enough that it broke the hatch. Not off the car, mind you, but enough so that one of the poles that holds it up broke. We finally managed to unstick the stupid thing, then got the garage door all the way up so they could leave. They had about five minutes to get to practice, nevermind that Alison still needed to get her skates and helmet on.

Fifteen minutes later Oliver and I are driving down 66th street toward the hockey arena and I notice a green beetle driving in the other direction. Out of habit I look at the license plate. It was a critical habitat one with a loon on it, just like the one on our beetle. Our green beetle, the car Si and Ali had left in 15 minutes before. Suddenly I realize that I had turned all of the sounds off on my phone during church. I fumbled through my purse and found my phone. I hadn't missed any calls or text messages. I thought that was a bit weird, but I figured it was just a coincidence and kept driving. When we got to the rink, though, the beetle was no where in sight. I called Si's phone but he didn't answer. I figured he must've left his phone at home, but I really didn't want to take Oliver out of his car seat just to have to put him back in to go home. I started to go through all of the scenarios in my head: they were late for practice and it was just getting over when they got there, they forgot some important piece of equipment and Si was rushing home to get it while Alison cried in the lobby...that last one got me out of the car. Just as Oliver and I were about to open the door to the rink my phone rang. It was Silas. Practice was at 1:15, not 11:45. Because they're pretty close, right? Oliver and I drove home. The kids ate some Mac and Cheese, then we all get back into the car and drove to practice again. ALL TOGETHER.

When we got home from practice and were walking from the garage to the house I noticed a burning smell. Silas turned around, looked at me and said "Do you smell that? Our house is burning down." He thought he was being funny, but I did not. "Shut up, it probably really is, hurry up and open the door!", I replied, pushing the kids out of my way and running to the back door. Then I realized that the neighbors were burning something in their firepit.

Now I'm just sitting here waiting for one of the embers to land on our roof and set our house on fire. It could totally happen.

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